we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
