so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
