woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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