I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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