SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
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I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
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I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can