If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place