just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..