My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
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holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
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I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.