loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
The struggles of a small town man whore
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!