Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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