Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
