My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
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She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
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Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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