K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
