Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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