I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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