feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
