your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
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i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
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I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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