The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
