I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
