honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You took a bar mat shot.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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