Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
