plz talk dirty to me
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
