No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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