i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
