I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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