i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
