i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
