I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
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Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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