Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
