why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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