get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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