is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
