so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
