sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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