I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
