I look better un-naked...
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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