are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
