and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
