As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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