He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
its liver damage thursday
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
