you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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