my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
