she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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