dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
