i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
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We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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