make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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