I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
