He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
