i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
