and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
