Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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