Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
3pm strippers are depressing
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Boobs are out for the taking
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
