The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
