some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
