i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
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I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
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what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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