At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just cut my nipple shaving
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize