i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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