Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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