super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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