i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize