My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
