The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
