There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
