You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
