He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
