so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
